Dogcows Code - chaz/talk-how-to-deal-with-introverts/blob - notes.txt

   1
   2 Introversion
   3
   4 How to deal with introverts
   5 And how to deal with yourself if you are an introvert
   6 And how to deal with extroverts
   7
   8 ## Outline
   9
  10 What is introversion? Extroversion?
  11 Stories
  12 A word about hiring and onboarding
  13 Statistics about introversion
  14
  15 ## Abstract
  16
  17 Business requires people working together, and that often brings people of
  18 different personality types and temperaments together in the hope that
  19 something worthwhile will come of the interactions that will take place.
  20 Challenges can arise when *any* two people try to communicate, but it can be
  21 especially tricky when at least one of those is an introvert.
  22
  23 This talk will provide insights into how to deal with introverts, whether they
  24 be your peers, the people you manage, or your boss. You may also learn how to
  25 deal with yourself if you are an introvert.
  26
  27 ## Notes
  28
  29 Communication is hard (at best) when you don't take your receiver into
  30 account. Example: Picard tries to communicate with the "darmok" alien. Even
  31 though the universal translator was making it so that all the words were
  32 individually understood, communication still wasn't happening. There is more
  33 to language than mere words. Likewise, there is much more to effective
  34 communication than language. A mutual understanding at some level is necessary
  35 to make communication work, and better understanding is required for better
  36 communication. Consider how network protocols are used to specify exactly how
  37 two machines or programs can communicate.
  38
  39 Speaking of Picard, what a great example of an effective introvert. See clip
  40 of Picard trying to relax on shore leave but women are talking with him
  41 because Riker gave him a trinket that is culturally significant.
  42
  43 Separate the condition with the apparent or supposed results.
  44 - It's not aspergers or autism.
  45 - Rage quitting and abusive nerds online.
  46 - Social awkwardness.
  47 - Depression, [social] anxiety, stress, shyness, energy level, self esteem.
  48 - Aloofness, selfishness, stuck up, self-absorbed.
  49
  50 Stress is caused by inconsistency between a person's belief and their actions.
  51 It is also the gap between what a person wants to do or feels like he or she
  52 needs to do and what that person is actually doing or able to do.
  53
  54 Human personality spans many spectrums. It isn't black and white. You're not
  55 either an introvert or an extrovert; you exist somewhere in between.
  56
  57 It's good to try to be more well-rounded. Try to put yourself out there, but
  58 understand your effective limitations. Building meaningful relationships is
  59 cool.
  60
  61 Introverts don't need to be coddled. Certain individuals (introvert or
  62 extrovert) may feel they need that, but introverts don't inherently need that.
  63 In fact that may be very anti-productive. Because of the energy requirements
  64 of introverts, they do need special consideration, that's true. But not
  65 coddling.
  66
  67 One of the most cringeworthy concepts for an introvert is breaking out of
  68 one's "comfort zone." This phrase is bandied out constantly, but little time
  69 is spent considering whether or not doing so has real benefits that the person
  70 should care about. It may be beneficial, but we all seem to have this
  71 assumption that we all should be breaking out of our comfort zones, but should
  72 we really all be striving to do that? Yes and no.
  73
  74 Try not to put introverts "on the spot". You'll likely get a blank expression
  75 in return. Seed the discussion beforehand. Send out a list or summary of
  76 things to think about before a planned meeting and make sure they know what
  77 will be expected of them.
  78
  79 Don't rush introverts. When you ask them a question that they don't
  80 immediately know the answer to, you may get a blank expression that may make
  81 you think that there is no thinking going on there, but they are thinking.
  82 Just be a little patient and you'll get a response eventually. If you're an
  83 introvert put on the spot, try to make some sort of indication that you are
  84 thinking and will respond. "Give me a second to think about that..."
  85
  86 Introverts are very capable of leadership and making decisions, but some will
  87 find it more difficult to commit to a decision in cases where facts are not
  88 available. They are data driven (is this true?) that may have more to do with
  89 right brain lift brain differences. Introverts can be very creative. Although
  90 an introvert may effectively fill my roll, some things may simply be done
  91 better by an extrovert.
  92
  93 In a meeting or other social setting, it's not unlikely to find the introverts
  94 there may seem to not be participating. What may be happening is that they may
  95 be having deeper thoughts than the extroverts. This does take time, though, so
  96 they're probably lagging behind in the conversation, and by the time they have
  97 something really interesting to say, they may find the conversation topic has
  98 moved on, so they may not ever share their thought. Encourage people like that
  99 to perhaps take notes and then to submit additional ideas via email or
 100 something after the meeting.
 101
 102 Introverts don't like to interrupt people, and sometimes extroverts engaging
 103 with each other fail to leave gaps in the conversation in which introverts
 104 feel like they can interject. Again, not all introverts have this issue, and
 105 some that do have it have trained themselves to interact more like extroverts
 106 in social settings.
 107
 108 Introverts don't feel the need to say something unless it's important AND
 109 isn't already being said, so if extroverts happen to be covering all the
 110 important points in the conversation well enough, introverts may be content to
 111 sit back and let the extrovert say everything. While some introverts may even
 112 be fine with extroverts getting all the credit, you should be aware that many
 113 those ideas may have come from the introvert.
 114
 115 Some introverts may be prone to not remembering "trivial" details... such as
 116 people's names. If you struggle with this, work on it. Sometimes you see
 117 somebody but you just don't care enough to actually see them. Start to care.
 118
 119 Introverts need extroverts and visa versa. We compliment each other. A world
 120 without extroverts would be quite dull.
 121
 122 Most of what I know about how to deal with introverts I learned from how my
 123 boss and coworkers deal with me.
 124
 125 ## About Me
 126
 127 I am not in HR. I'm actually a software developer, but I learned of and then
 128 became interested in understanding introversion when I was at a point in my
 129 life where I was trying to understand myself. When I was growing up, I was
 130 often frustrated that I wasn't more like my extrovert peers. I enjoyed and had
 131 fun with my friends -- fortunately my friends enjoyed many introverted
 132 activities -- but I noticed that I had many personality traits that were
 133 considered undesirable at the time. Unfortunately, I often made the mistake of
 134 caring what my peers thought of me, and that had some effect on my self
 135 esteem. Actually, I made the far-more foolish mistake of believing in and
 136 caring what I *thought* my peers thought of me.
 137
 138 My experience made me uncomfortable being me, which is awful because I wasn't
 139 about to be anyone else. After I realized how silly I was being by putting so
 140 much weight behind what others may have thought about me, my discomfort left
 141 and I was able to be happy again. I think this experience, to varying degrees,
 142 is shared by many people of a variety of personality types, but (introvert
 143 suicide rates). If you can relate to the experience I shared and are still
 144 clinging to the false idea that your value should be so closely tied to what
 145 others think of you (or what you imagine others think about you), please let
 146 go of that notion! This is the most important thing you could take away from
 147 this presentation.
 148