4 How to deal with introverts
5 And how to deal with yourself if you are an introvert
6 And how to deal with extroverts
10 What is introversion? Extroversion?
12 A word about hiring and onboarding?
13 Statistics about introversion
15 - Answer "What is introversion?"
16 - Develop an understanding of why people act as they do.
17 - Learn ways to cope with your own introversion.
18 - Identify the challenges inherent in working with introverts.
19 - Explore practical ways to effectively deal with introverts.
23 Business requires people working together, and that often brings people of
24 different personality types and temperaments together in the hope that
25 something worthwhile will come of the interactions that will take place.
26 Challenges can arise when *any* two people try to communicate, but it can be
27 especially tricky when at least one of those is an introvert.
29 This talk will provide insights into how to deal with introverts, whether they
30 be your peers, the people you manage, or your boss. You may also learn how to
31 deal with yourself if you are an introvert.
35 Communication is hard (at best) when you don't take your receiver into
36 account. Example: Picard tries to communicate with the "darmok" alien. Even
37 though the universal translator was making it so that all the words were
38 individually understood, communication still wasn't happening. There is more
39 to language than mere words. Likewise, there is much more to effective
40 communication than language. A mutual understanding at some level is necessary
41 to make communication work, and better understanding is required for better
42 communication. Consider how network protocols are used to specify exactly how
43 two machines or programs can communicate.
45 Speaking of Picard, what a great example of an effective introvert. See clip
46 of Picard trying to relax on shore leave but women are talking with him
47 because Riker gave him a trinket that is culturally significant.
49 Separate the condition from the apparent or supposed results.
50 - It's not aspergers or autism.
51 - Rage quitting and abusive nerds online.
53 - Depression, [social] anxiety, stress, shyness, energy level, self esteem.
54 - Aloofness, selfishness, stuck up, self-absorbed.
56 Stress is caused by inconsistency between a person's belief and their actions.
57 It is also the gap between what a person wants to do or feels like he or she
58 needs to do and what that person is actually doing or able to do.
60 Human personality spans many spectrums. It isn't black and white. You're not
61 either an introvert or an extrovert; you exist somewhere in between.
63 It's good to try to be more well-rounded. Try to put yourself out there, but
64 understand your effective limitations. Building meaningful relationships is
67 Introverts need extroverts and visa versa. We compliment each other. A world
68 without extroverts would be quite dull.
70 Introverts don't need to be coddled. Certain individuals (introvert or
71 extrovert) may feel they need that, but introverts don't inherently need that.
72 In fact that may be very anti-productive. Because of the energy requirements
73 of introverts, they do need special consideration, that's true. But not
76 One of the most cringe-worthy concepts for an introvert is breaking out of
77 one's "comfort zone." This phrase is bandied out constantly, but little time
78 is spent considering whether or not doing so has real benefits that the person
79 should care about. It may be beneficial, but we all seem to have this
80 assumption that we all should be breaking out of our comfort zones, but should
81 we really all be striving to do that? Yes and no.
85 Don't rush introverts. When you ask them a question that they don't
86 immediately know the answer to, you may get a blank expression that may make
87 you think that there is no thinking going on there, but they are thinking.
88 Just be a little patient and you'll get a response eventually. If you're an
89 introvert put on the spot, try to make some sort of indication that you are
90 thinking and will respond. "Give me a second to think about that..."
92 Introverts are very capable of leadership and making decisions, but some will
93 find it more difficult to commit to a decision in cases where facts are not
94 available. They are data driven (is this true?) that may have more to do with
95 right brain lift brain differences. Introverts can be very creative. Although
96 an introvert may effectively fill my roll, some things may simply be done
97 better by an extrovert.
99 Introverts can handle complexity, but they do better when they can focus on
100 one or two areas. More than this, and there is risk that the introvert will
101 become overwhelmed and then be less effective.
105 Even though an introvert may be bad at face-to-face communication, they may do
106 just fine at other types of communication. Email, intranet chat, things like
107 that are much less stimulating and give introverts plenty of time to gather
108 their thoughts and formulate proper responses.
110 Introverts can be so good at those types of communication, you may not even
111 realize they're introverted. (Until you meet them face to face. Then it may
112 become painfully obvious. It's like: you were so articulate and well-spoken in
113 your email, and here you can barely string two sentences together!)
117 In a meeting or other social setting, it's not unlikely to find the introverts
118 there may seem to not be participating. What may be happening is that they may
119 be having deeper thoughts than the extroverts. This does take time, though, so
120 they're probably lagging behind in the conversation, and by the time they have
121 something really interesting to say, they may find the conversation topic has
122 moved on, so they may not ever share their thought. Encourage people like that
123 to perhaps take notes and then to submit additional ideas via email or
124 something after the meeting.
126 Introverts don't like to interrupt people, and sometimes extroverts engaging
127 with each other fail to leave gaps in the conversation in which introverts
128 feel like they can interject. Again, not all introverts have this issue, and
129 some that do have it have trained themselves to interact more like extroverts
132 Introverts don't feel the need to say something unless it's important AND
133 isn't already being said, so if extroverts happen to be covering all the
134 important points in the conversation well enough, introverts may be content to
135 sit back and let the extrovert say everything. While some introverts may even
136 be fine with extroverts getting all the credit, you should be aware that many
137 those ideas may have come from the introvert.
139 Try not to put introverts "on the spot". You'll likely get a blank expression
140 in return. Seed the discussion beforehand. Send out a list or summary of
141 things to think about before a planned meeting and make sure they know what
142 will be expected of them.
144 ### Atmosphere, office stressors
146 Stimulation (note steril slides).
148 Some introverts may be prone to not remembering "trivial" details... such as
149 people's names. If you struggle with this, work on it. Sometimes you see
150 somebody but you just don't care enough to actually see them. Start to care.
154 Most of what I know about how to deal with introverts I learned from how my
155 boss and coworkers deal with me.
157 I wouldn't say that my story is unique at all.
159 I am not in HR. I'm actually a software developer. I learned of and then
160 became interested in understanding introversion when I was at a point in my
161 life where I was trying to understand myself. When I was growing up, I was
162 often frustrated that I wasn't more like my extrovert peers. I enjoyed and had
163 fun with my friends -- fortunately for me, my friends enjoyed many introverted
164 activities -- but I also enjoyed (read: needed) down time, and I was ashamed
165 of that difference. That was at least one part of my personality that
166 I identified as an undesirable trait.
168 Unfortunately, I often made the mistake of caring what my peers thought of me,
169 because all kids do care about that, and that had some effect on my self
170 esteem. It was worse than that, though: I made the far-more foolish mistake of
171 believing in and caring what I *thought* my peers thought of me.
173 My life experience made me uncomfortable being me, which is awful because I wasn't
174 about to be anyone else. After I realized how silly I was being by putting so
175 much weight behind what others may have thought about me, my discomfort left
176 and I was able to be happy again.
178 I think this experience, to varying degrees, is shared by many people of
179 a variety of personality types. If you can relate to the experience I shared
180 and are still clinging to the false idea that your self-worth should be
181 unhealthily tightly coupled with what others think of you (or what you imagine
182 others think about you), please let go of that notion! This is the most
183 important thing you could take away from this presentation.
185 But don't mistake me: I'm not saying that you should have no care at all for
186 what other people think of you. That would also be a sad and unfortunate way
187 to live. As with most things, you need a balance. Caring how others regard you
188 will help you accept criticism when it is founded, and the balanced
189 perspective will help you reject baseless criticism.
191 For all the introspecting that introverts are supposed to be doing, they can
192 be really bad at viewing themselves accurately. Poor self-esteem affects
193 introverts and extroverts alike. It's often caused by bad assumptions going
194 in, so even introverts can't come to more enlightened conclusions by
195 themselves. Thoughts like "I am not a good person" attach themselves deeply
196 within the mind, and once they grab hold they're hard to shake.
198 So, bottom line: if you are not comfortable in your own skin, make a change.
199 Get a new perspective. If you are introverted, there are simple things that
200 you can do to "manage" your introversion.
201 - First, learn and understand how you function.
202 - Stay on top of your schedule so you don't run out of energy. If you know you
203 will be around people, compensate be carving out time in your schedule to
205 - Know your limits, and don't feel bad by saying "no" to some social events.
209 "What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be."
212 Unlike extroverts, who were their personalities on their sleeves, introverts
213 often keep their best to themselves. With extroverts you see what you get.
214 With introverts, what you see is only a portion of their personality. The
215 richest and most trusted parts of an introvert's personality are not
216 necessarily shared with the outside world. It takes time, trust, and special
217 circumstances for them to begin to open up.
218 -- Otto Kroeger and Janet Thuesen from "Type Talk at Work"
221 Disclaimer: I like introverts and extroverts equally. Seriously. Now, I'm
222 going to be talking introverts up a little bit during this presentation, and
223 in case I don't give equal time to both type's good and bad qualities, I just
224 want it to be clear that they're both great. Both types have different
225 strengths and different weaknesses, but they actually complete each other, as
226 corny as that sounds. The world is a better place because of both introverts
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