X-Git-Url: https://git.dogcows.com/gitweb?p=chaz%2Ftalk-how-to-deal-with-introverts;a=blobdiff_plain;f=slides.html;h=5e5c8b2cc0cc63fe32c4e59c5308d495f81d90d0;hp=f912e3e27d70964e5d62ce8ed28db2347efc151b;hb=5833af1df9c64c4cf0f63abbe5de7b093b5a90f4;hpb=7a377f47987bee830c3823f86d60b3a9fec5c925 diff --git a/slides.html b/slides.html index f912e3e..5e5c8b2 100644 --- a/slides.html +++ b/slides.html @@ -8,13 +8,56 @@ name: title Charles McGarvey +??? +- I work at Bluehost as a software developer. +- I don't really have any background in psychology. +- Most of what I know about how to deal with introverts I learned from how my friends, family, and + coworkers deal with me. + - I am an introvert. + - In other words, I extrospect the actions of others and how they relate to me in order to + understand my own introspecting nature. +- I'll talk a little bit more about me towards the middle of my presentation. + +- How many of you think you're introverted? +- How many of you think you're extroverted? + --- ## Agenda - Answer "What is introversion?" -- Talk about communication. -- Explore practical ways to effectively work with introverts. +- Develop an understanding of why people act as they do. +- Learn ways to cope with your own introversion. +- Identify the challenges inherent in working with introverts. +- Explore practical ways to effectively deal with introverts. + +??? +- Define introversion +- Use our defined terms to better understand why people act as they do. +- Learn ways to cope with introversion (if you are introverted). +- Identify and solve workplace issues that may hinder introverts. + +--- + +class: center, middle + +## Disclaimers + +??? +### I like introverts and extroverts equally well. + +- I may not give both types equal air time. +- I am an introvert and have that bias. +- I know and respect many extroverts a ton. +- Both different strengths and weaknesses. +- Both complete each other. +- World is completed by having the two types. + +Also, + +- I will be making some broad generalizations. +- I know not everyone fits in the box I'm going to ascribe to them. +- I otherwise don't actually expect to say anything offensive. --- @@ -32,6 +75,24 @@ Charles McGarvey Source: [Merriam-Webster Medical Dictionary](http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/introversion) ] +??? +### Introverts are selfish, right? +- Introverts are self-centered, self-occupied, self-obsessed, self-serving selfish people. +- At least we're not usually exhibitionists. +- I think this description is not necessarily unfair. Introverts are kinda selfish. +- At least, I can see why introverts may be perceived as such. +- Why don't introverts speak up and share their ideas during meetings and conversations? + - Maybe they're not team players? + - Maybe they're keeping the best ideas for themselves? + - Maybe they don't like us? + - Nobody really knows what they're thinking because they never speak up, so it's anybody's best guess. + +-The bottom line is that introverts are just hard to work with, right? + +- People work in and across businesses by working together. + - They communicate. + - Barriers to communication are frustrating because it wastes time. + --- class: center, middle @@ -43,6 +104,482 @@ name: dilbert-energy-drain DILBERT © 2013 Scott Adams. Used By permission of UNIVERSAL UCLICK. All rights reserved. ] +??? +### Let's continue defining introversion + +- How many of you understand what Dilbert is talking about here? + - Raise of hands -- don't worry, I won't be calling on anyone. + +- By the way, those who are fans of Dilbert may have noticed the mouth. Scott Adams usually doesn't + draw Dilbert with a mouth unless he is eating or in great distress. There are relatively few + comics of Dilbert with a mouth, and this one has the mouth twice. + +--- + +## What is introversion? + +> The strongest distinguishing characteristic of introverts is their energy source: Introverts draw +> energy from their *internal world* of ideas, emotions, and impressions. They are energy +> conservers. They can be easily overstimulated by the external world, experiencing the +> uncomfortable feeling of "too much." [...] They need to limit their social experiences so they +> don't get drained. +> +> -- Marti Olsen Laney, pg. 19 + +??? +### Better definition + +- Nine years ago, read book by Marti Olsen Laney, a doctor of psychology, called "The Introvert + Advantage" +- This description of introversion resonated with me. +- It's still the way I like to think about introversion, both in an abstract sense as well as in + practical terms in "managing" my own introversion. + +STORY + +- I am a team lead at my company. +- That means that get to solve technical problems and write code +- It's also my responsibility to lead, manage, and mentor other developers. +- A lot of my non-coding time is spent in meetings and working with my teammates. +- I help them gain knowledge, and make sure they have what they need to succeed. +- Some days I get to code all day; I lock the door and program! I love those days. +- Other days I'm working with my teammates all day and don't write any code. +- I love those days, too, but there is a huge difference in the level of mental fatigue I feel at + the end of each type of day. +- On the days that I spend all day working on complex programming problems, I get home and feel great. +- On the days that I spend all day working with people, I'm totally wiped out. +- Can any of you relate to this? + +--- + +class: center, middle + +## Introverts and Extroverts + +#### There is a biological difference. + +??? +- I really don't know much about how brains work, but I do understand that personality and + temperament doesn't come from nowhere. Personality develops, but it's also not something + completely environmental. Brains of introverts and extroverts actually work slightly differently, + and it's not a learned difference, it's a biological difference. + +- The difference may have something to do with neural pathways and neurotransmitters, making + introverts more sensative to Dopamine and thus more prone to getting overstimulated by less + stimulus than is required for extroverts. + +- I don't know how settled the science is in this regard. Let me just say that according to my + research and best information right now, there are at least partially understand biological + differences between introverts and extroverts. + +- I bring it up because understanding is the first step to identifying and solving problems. + +--- + +class: center, middle + +## Human personality spans many spectrums. + +Introversion/extroversion make up one of those spectrums + +??? +### Another perhaps-obvious point + +Human personality spans many spectrums. It isn't black and white. You're not really either an +introvert or an extrovert; you exist somewhere in between. + +--- + +## Differences between Introverts and Extroverts + +1. Energy creation +2. Response to stimulation +3. Approach to knowledge and experience + +??? +### Dr. Laney defined three differences + +- Introverts gain energy from inside themselves, by being alone and recharging by themselves ("down + time") while extroverts gain energy from social interaction and other external stimulii. + +- Introverts retreat inwardly from too much stimulation. Extroverts run the risk of being + *under*stimulated and need to get enough stimulation externally to not get too bored. + +- Introverts go for depth of knowledge in particular fields that interest them. Extroverts go for + a breadth of knowledge, learning perhaps as much information but in more areas. + +--- + +## What *isn't* introversion? + +- Abusive nerds on the Internet +- Aspergers +- Autism +- Social awkwardness +- Social anxiety (shyness)* + +??? +Separate the condition from the apparent or supposed results. + +- It's not aspergers or autism. +- Rage quitting and abusive nerds online. +- Social awkwardness. +- Depression, [social] anxiety, stress, shyness, energy level, self esteem. +- Aloofness, selfishness, stuck up, self-absorbed. + +There are studies that indicate a positive correlation between introversion and social anxiety. This +may possibly be explained by the fact that extroverts just get more experience talking with people. + +Despite introversion not necessarily being associated with these particular conditions, that are +difficult to deal with, introversion by its nature does create a need for some special +consideration within organizations. + +--- + +class: center, middle + +## So, how *do* we deal with introverts? + +--- + +class: center, middle + +## Ignore them! + +??? +### Ignore them + +- "Ain't nobody got time for that!" +- Introverts are slow and don't communicate very well. +- Maybe don't hire them or just try to avoid them. +- Introversion is not a Title VII protected class. +- I'm not aware of any companies that do or have ever tried to do this. +- This isn't viable for tech companies or any organizations really. +- By some recent studies, as much as 50% of people are introverted. +- How can there be that many introverts? Well, remember that our personality actually exists + somewhere along a spectrum. Also, many introverts just learn to act like extroverts; from + a young age they mimic social behavior around them and may never realize they're introverted. + +-- +No. + +??? +### Yeah, that's just silly. + +--- + +class: center, middle + +## Go all in[troverts]! + +??? +- So, if we can't ignore them, should we prefer them? + +- The trouble with that, is extroverts are valuable. Extroverts have tons of valuable skills. + +- Also, there's not a lot of conclusive evidence to suggest that introverts work better with other + introverts than with extroverts. There may be fewer interpersonal conflicts, but there also can be + a lot of communication *not* actually happening. + +- Extroverts are really good at facilitating conversation. + +-- +No. + +--- + +class: center, middle + +## Learn to get along! + +??? +- Let's instead keep both introverts and extroverts and instead learn how to communicate and get + along with each other. + +- Then we can keep the advantages of both types! + +-- +Yes!! + +--- + +class: my-story + +## Dealing with your own Introversion + +??? +I wouldn't say that my story is unique at all. + +I learned of and then became interested in understanding introversion when I was at a point in my +life where I was trying to understand myself. When I was growing up, I was often frustrated that +I wasn't more like my extrovert peers. I enjoyed and had fun with my friends -- fortunately for me, +my friends enjoyed many introverted activities -- but I also enjoyed (read: needed) down time, and +I was ashamed of that difference. That was at least one part of my personality that I identified as +an undesirable trait. + +Unfortunately, I often made the mistake of caring what my peers thought of me, because all kids do +care about that, and that had some effect on my self esteem. It was worse than that, though: I made +the far-more foolish mistake of believing in and caring what I *thought* my peers thought of me. + +My life experience made me uncomfortable being me, which is awful because I wasn't about to be +anyone else. After I realized how silly I was being by putting so much weight behind what others may +have thought about me, my discomfort left and I was able to be happy again. + +-- +> Stress is caused by inconsistency between a person's belief and their actions. It is also the gap +> between what a person wants to do or feels like he or she needs to do and what that person is +> actually doing or able to do. + +??? +I think this experience, to varying degrees, is shared by many people of a variety of personality +types. If you can relate to the experience I shared and are still clinging to the false idea that +your self-worth should be unhealthily tightly coupled with what others think of you (or what you +imagine others think about you), please let go of that notion! This is the most important thing you +could take away from this presentation. + +But don't mistake me: I'm not saying that you should have no care at all for what other people think +of you. That would also be a sad and unfortunate way to live. As with most things, you need +a balance. Caring how others regard you will help you accept criticism when it is founded, and the +balanced perspective will help you reject baseless criticism. + +For all the introspecting that introverts are supposed to be doing, they can be really bad at +viewing themselves accurately. Poor self-esteem affects introverts and extroverts alike. It's often +caused by bad assumptions going in, so even introverts can't come to more enlightened conclusions by +themselves. Thoughts like "I am not a good person" attach themselves deeply within the mind, and +once they grab hold they're hard to shake. + +So, bottom line: if you are not comfortable in your own skin, make a change. Get a new perspective. +If you are introverted, there are simple things that you can do to "manage" your introversion. + +-- + +- Learn and understand how *you* function. + +??? +There's no point being an introvert if you're not going to actually introspect, so choose to study +more about how you work. If this presentation is the first time you've learned about introversion, +then this is a good start, but there is a lot more that you can learn about yourself. + +-- +- Stay on top of your schedule so you don't run out of energy. + +??? +- If you know you will be around people, compensate be carving out time in your schedule to rest up. +- Try to keep an energy reserve in case you need it for unexpected events. + +-- +- Know and respect your limits. + +??? +This one may be a bit controversial, but I think it's true. +- People like to think they're unlimited, but people have limits -- yes, they do -- and it's not bad + to acknowledge that if you're honest with yourself. +- Don't feel bad by saying "no" to some social events. + +-- +- Work outside of your "comfort zone" on your terms. + +??? +Now, I don't particularly like the phrase "comfort zone." It's bandied around constantly, but little +time is spent considering whether or not doing so has real benefits that the any of us should care +about. It may be beneficial, but we all seem to have this assumption that we all should be breaking +out of our comfort zones, but should we really all be striving to do that? Yes and no. + +- To the extent that we get personal growth out of stepping outside of our "comfort zones," then it + is worthwhile. +- To the extent that being outside of our "comfort zones" makes us hate our lives, then it's not + a good thing. +- So, we should be striving for personal growth, but we can do that growth on our own terms. Usually + when somebody brings up "comfort zones," it's because they're trying to get you to do something, + maybe out of good intentions, but you're smart enough to make a conscious decision for yourself + whether or not stretching yourself at that time will be good for you or not. + +--- + +class: center, middle +name: picard + +![captain picard day](img/captain-picard-day.jpg) + +Source: [The Pegasus](http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Pegasus), Star Trek TNG + +??? +- This is my favorite introvert. +- There are actually a lot of awesome introverts that have risen to prominence and even become + role-models to many. I'm not going to talk about them, but it's fun to watch people and look for + signs that may indicate where they're at on the introversion/extroversion spectrum. +- My favorite example of an introvert is a fictional character. The writers of Star Trek TNG did + a fantastic job at creating and developing this interesting yet very introverted character. There + are signs that Sir Patrick Stewart himself may lean toward introversion, and that may be why he + was also able to play the part so well. +- Anyway, this is Captain Picard putting on a not-entirely-convincing smile for "Captain Picard Day" + on the Enterprise. His duties on this day include meeting with children on the ship and judging + their class projects. +- By the way, Captain Picard Day is a real thing, I recently found out. Apparently it's celebrated + on June 16th of each year. + +- How many of you introverts have found yourself in a similar position? Out of energy but still + putting on a smile at a social event, hoping your smile is at least somewhat convincing? + +--- + +class: center, middle + +## Put Into Practice + +??? +Introverts don't need to be coddled. Certain individuals (introvert or extrovert) may feel they need +that, but introverts don't inherently need that. In fact that may be very anti-productive. Because +of the energy requirements of introverts, they do need special consideration, that's true. But not +coddling. + +These things are meant to create an environment or the right conditions to make it more likely for +introverts to succeed and be happy in the workplace. + +Some of these things can simply be added to your processes or routines in order to get the benefit. + +However, to the extent that any of these things conflict or interfere with the needs of extroverts +or take away from the conditions that allow extroverts to succeed, some compromise will need to be +reached. + +--- + +## Communication + +-- +- Let people choose how they communicate with you. + +??? +Even though an introvert may not be at her best during face-to-face communication, she may do just +fine at other types of communication. Email, intranet chat, things like that are much less +stimulating and give introverts plenty of time to gather their thoughts and formulate proper +responses. + +Introverts can be so good at those types of communication, you may not even realize they're +introverted. (Until you meet them face to face. Then it may become painfully obvious. It's like: you +were so articulate and well-spoken in your email, and here you can barely string two sentences +together!) + +--- + +## Meetings + +-- +- Don't put introverts on the spot. + +??? +Try not to put introverts "on the spot". You'll likely get either a blank expression in return or +much fumbling of words. + +-- +- Seed the discussion. + +??? +- This may be general good advice for anyone leading a meeting. +- Seed the discussion with enough context and detail to make sure everyone is on the same page. + +-- +- Send out a list of things attendees should think about and plan before the meeting. + +-- +- Make sure everyone knows what will be expected of them. + +??? +- Goes back to the idea that introverts don't appreciate being put on the spot. + +-- +- Encourage introverts to write down their ideas. + +??? +In a meeting or other social setting, you'll likely find the introverts there may seem to not be +participating. What may be happening is that they may be having deeper thoughts than the extroverts. +This does take time, though, so they're probably lagging behind in the conversation, and by the time +they have something really interesting to say, they may find the conversation topic has moved on, so +they may not ever share their thought. + +You can either ask at the end of the meeting if the introverts in the room have anything to add +about anything discussed, or maybe just tell them to email their ideas later, perhaps after they +have had even more processing time. + +-- +- Leave gaps in your conversation. + +??? +Introverts don't like to interrupt people, and sometimes extroverts engaging with each other fail to +leave gaps in the conversation in which introverts feel like they can interject. Again, not all +introverts have this issue, and some that do have it have trained themselves to interact more like +extroverts in social settings. + +This may not work very well at first, so you may need to experiment and see what works to help your +introvert(s) engage you more in conversation. + +-- +- Sometimes it's a good thing when introverts don't talk. + +??? +Introverts don't feel the need to say something unless it's important AND isn't already being said, +so if extroverts happen to be covering all the important points in the conversation well enough, +introverts may be content to sit back and let the extrovert say everything. So, if introverts aren't +talking, that may be a sign that everything is cool. + +--- + +## Deadlines + +-- +- Don't rush introverts. + +??? +Don't rush introverts. When you ask them a question that they don't immediately know the answer to, +you may get a blank expression that may make you think that there is no thinking going on there, but +they are thinking. Just be a little patient and you'll get a response eventually. If you're an +introvert put on the spot, try to make some sort of indication that you are thinking and will +respond. "Give me a second to think about that..." + +-- +- Limit the number of projects placed on introverts. + +??? +Introverts can handle complexity, but they do better when they can focus on one or two areas. More +than this, and there is risk that the introvert will become overwhelmed and then be less effective. +So keep the number of projects reduced. Introverts will still do good work on their projects, but +they'll be less likely to feel overburdened. + +--- + +class: center, middle +name: open-office + +![open-office](img/new-office.jpg) + +.copyright-disclaimer[ +[Office in London](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:New_office.jpg) © 2009 Phil Whitehouse. This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license. +] + +--- + +## Atmosphere + +-- +- No open office design! + +??? +- Bad idea, Google! +- It's just a bad fad that needs to go away sooner rather than later. + +-- +- Reduce stimulation. + +-- +- If you can, create private cubicles AND a common area for knowledge transfer. + +??? +Stimulation (note steril slides). + +Some introverts may be prone to not remembering "trivial" details... such as +people's names. If you struggle with this, work on it. Sometimes you see +somebody but you just don't care enough to actually see them. Start to care. + --- class: center, middle @@ -54,6 +591,10 @@ name: dilbert-programming DILBERT © 2015 Scott Adams. Used By permission of UNIVERSAL UCLICK. All rights reserved. ] +??? +- In the end, we introverts really aren't that complicated to work with, right? +- Our needs are simple. Let us write code and create designs and manage servers in peace! + --- class: center, middle @@ -85,9 +626,26 @@ Leave me feedback, if you want: ## Credits .left[ +- Excerpts from [The Introvert Advantage](http://hiddengiftsoftheintrovertedchild.com/about-the-author/the-introvert-advantage/) by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D. - DILBERT comic strips created by [Scott Adams](http://dilbert.com/), used by permission. ] ] +--- + +class: center, middle +name: blank-stare + +![blank stare](img/blank-stare.jpg) + +--- + +class: center, middle +name: happy-to-stay-home + +![extreme happiness](img/funny-dance.gif) + +"It's Saturday night, and I'm staying home!" +