Dogcows Code - chaz/talk-how-to-deal-with-introverts/blob - slides.html

   1 <!DOCTYPE html>
   2 <html><head><meta charset="utf-8"><title>How to Deal with Introverts</title><link rel="stylesheet" href="css/common.css"><link rel="stylesheet" href="css/slides.css"></head><body><textarea id="source">
   3
   4 class:  center, middle
   5 name:   title
   6
   7 # How to Deal with Introverts
   8
   9 Charles McGarvey
  10
  11 ???
  12 - I work at Bluehost as a software developer.
  13 - I don't really have any background in psychology.
  14 - Most of what I know about how to deal with introverts I learned from how my friends, family, and
  15   coworkers deal with me.
  16   - I am an introvert.
  17   - In other words, I extrospect the actions of others and how they relate to me in order to
  18     understand my own introspecting nature.
  19 - I'll talk a little bit more about me towards the middle of my presentation.
  20
  21 - How many of you think you're introverted?
  22 - How many of you think you're extroverted?
  23
  24 ---
  25
  26 ## Agenda
  27
  28 - Answer "What is introversion?"
  29 - Develop an understanding of why people act as they do.
  30 - Learn ways to cope with your own introversion.
  31 - Identify the challenges inherent in working with introverts.
  32 - Explore practical ways to effectively deal with introverts.
  33
  34 ???
  35 - Define introversion
  36 - Use our defined terms to better understand why people act as they do.
  37 - Learn ways to cope with introversion (if you are introverted).
  38 - Identify and solve workplace issues that may hinder introverts.
  39
  40 ---
  41
  42 class: center, middle
  43
  44 ## Disclaimers
  45
  46 ???
  47 ### I like introverts and extroverts equally well.
  48
  49 - I may not give both types equal air time.
  50 - I am an introvert and have that bias.
  51 - I know and respect many extroverts a ton.
  52 - Both different strengths and weaknesses.
  53 - Both complete each other.
  54 - World is completed by having the two types.
  55
  56 Also,
  57
  58 - I will be making some broad generalizations.
  59 - I know not everyone fits in the box I'm going to ascribe to them.
  60 - I otherwise don't actually expect to say anything offensive.
  61
  62 ---
  63
  64 ## What is introversion?
  65
  66 > noun in·tro·ver·sion \ˌin-trə-ˈvər-zhən, -shən\
  67 >
  68 > 1. the act of directing one's attention toward or getting gratification from one's own interests, thoughts, and
  69 >    feelings
  70 >
  71 > 2. the state or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental
  72 >    life—compare extroversion
  73
  74 .center[
  75 Source: [Merriam-Webster Medical Dictionary](http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/introversion)
  76 ]
  77
  78 ???
  79 ### Introverts are selfish, right?
  80 - Introverts are self-centered, self-occupied, self-obsessed, self-serving selfish people.
  81 - At least we're not usually exhibitionists.
  82 - I think this description is not necessarily unfair. Introverts are kinda selfish.
  83 - At least, I can see why introverts may be perceived as such.
  84 - Why don't introverts speak up and share their ideas during meetings and conversations?
  85   - Maybe they're not team players?
  86   - Maybe they're keeping the best ideas for themselves?
  87   - Maybe they don't like us?
  88   - Nobody really knows what they're thinking because they never speak up, so it's anybody's best guess.
  89
  90 -The bottom line is that introverts are just hard to work with, right?
  91
  92 - People work in and across businesses by working together.
  93   - They communicate.
  94   - Barriers to communication are frustrating because it wastes time.
  95
  96 ---
  97
  98 class:  center, middle
  99 name:   dilbert-energy-drain
 100
 101 ![Dilbert comic strip](img/dt_c131010.png)
 102
 103 .copyright-disclaimer[
 104 DILBERT © 2013 Scott Adams. Used By permission of UNIVERSAL UCLICK. All rights reserved.
 105 ]
 106
 107 ???
 108 ### Let's continue defining introversion
 109
 110 - How many of you understand what Dilbert is talking about here?
 111   - Raise of hands -- don't worry, I won't be calling on anyone.
 112
 113 - By the way, those who are fans of Dilbert may have noticed the mouth. Scott Adams usually doesn't
 114   draw Dilbert with a mouth unless he is eating or in great distress. There are relatively few
 115   comics of Dilbert with a mouth, and this one has the mouth twice.
 116
 117 ---
 118
 119 ## What is introversion?
 120
 121 > The strongest distinguishing characteristic of introverts is their energy source: Introverts draw
 122 > energy from their *internal world* of ideas, emotions, and impressions. They are energy
 123 > conservers. They can be easily overstimulated by the external world, experiencing the
 124 > uncomfortable feeling of "too much." [...] They need to limit their social experiences so they
 125 > don't get drained.
 126 >
 127 > -- Marti Olsen Laney, pg. 19
 128
 129 ???
 130 ### Better definition
 131
 132 - Nine years ago, read book by Marti Olsen Laney, a doctor of psychology, called "The Introvert
 133   Advantage"
 134 - This description of introversion resonated with me.
 135 - It's still the way I like to think about introversion, both in an abstract sense as well as in
 136   practical terms in "managing" my own introversion.
 137
 138 STORY
 139
 140 - I am a team lead at my company.
 141 - That means that get to solve technical problems and write code
 142 - It's also my responsibility to lead, manage, and mentor other developers.
 143 - A lot of my non-coding time is spent in meetings and working with my teammates.
 144 - I help them gain knowledge, and make sure they have what they need to succeed.
 145 - Some days I get to code all day; I lock the door and program! I love those days.
 146 - Other days I'm working with my teammates all day and don't write any code.
 147 - I love those days, too, but there is a huge difference in the level of mental fatigue I feel at
 148   the end of each type of day.
 149 - On the days that I spend all day working on complex programming problems, I get home and feel great.
 150 - On the days that I spend all day working with people, I'm totally wiped out.
 151 - Can any of you relate to this?
 152
 153 ---
 154
 155 class: center, middle
 156
 157 ## Introverts and Extroverts
 158
 159 #### There is a biological difference.
 160
 161 ???
 162 - I really don't know much about how brains work, but I do understand that personality and
 163   temperament doesn't come from nowhere. Personality develops, but it's also not something
 164   completely environmental. Brains of introverts and extroverts actually work slightly differently,
 165   and it's not a learned difference, it's a biological difference.
 166
 167 - The difference may have something to do with neural pathways and neurotransmitters, making
 168   introverts more sensative to Dopamine and thus more prone to getting overstimulated by less
 169   stimulus than is required for extroverts.
 170
 171 - I don't know how settled the science is in this regard. Let me just say that according to my
 172   research and best information right now, there are at least partially understand biological
 173   differences between introverts and extroverts.
 174
 175 - I bring it up because understanding is the first step to identifying and solving problems.
 176
 177 ---
 178
 179 class: center, middle
 180
 181 ## Human personality spans many spectrums.
 182
 183 Introversion/extroversion make up one of those spectrums
 184
 185 ???
 186 ### Another perhaps-obvious point
 187
 188 Human personality spans many spectrums. It isn't black and white. You're not really either an
 189 introvert or an extrovert; you exist somewhere in between.
 190
 191 ---
 192
 193 ## Differences between Introverts and Extroverts
 194
 195 1. Energy creation
 196 2. Response to stimulation
 197 3. Approach to knowledge and experience
 198
 199 ???
 200 ### Dr. Laney defined three differences
 201
 202 - Introverts gain energy from inside themselves, by being alone and recharging by themselves ("down
 203   time") while extroverts gain energy from social interaction and other external stimulii.
 204
 205 - Introverts retreat inwardly from too much stimulation. Extroverts run the risk of being
 206   *under*stimulated and need to get enough stimulation externally to not get too bored.
 207
 208 - Introverts go for depth of knowledge in particular fields that interest them. Extroverts go for
 209   a breadth of knowledge, learning perhaps as much information but in more areas.
 210
 211 ---
 212
 213 ## What *isn't* introversion?
 214
 215 - Abusive nerds on the Internet
 216 - Aspergers
 217 - Autism
 218 - Social awkwardness
 219 - Social anxiety (shyness)*
 220
 221 ???
 222 Separate the condition from the apparent or supposed results.
 223
 224 - It's not aspergers or autism.
 225 - Rage quitting and abusive nerds online.
 226 - Social awkwardness.
 227 - Depression, [social] anxiety, stress, shyness, energy level, self esteem.
 228 - Aloofness, selfishness, stuck up, self-absorbed.
 229
 230 There are studies that indicate a positive correlation between introversion and social anxiety. This
 231 may possibly be explained by the fact that extroverts just get more experience talking with people.
 232
 233 Despite introversion not necessarily being associated with these particular conditions, that are
 234 difficult to deal with, introversion by its nature does create a need for some special
 235 consideration within organizations.
 236
 237 ---
 238
 239 class: center, middle
 240
 241 ## So, how *do* we deal with introverts?
 242
 243 ---
 244
 245 class: center, middle
 246
 247 ## Ignore them!
 248
 249 ???
 250 ### Ignore them
 251
 252 - "Ain't nobody got time for that!"
 253 - Introverts are slow and don't communicate very well.
 254 - Maybe don't hire them or just try to avoid them.
 255 - Introversion is not a Title VII protected class.
 256 - I'm not aware of any companies that do or have ever tried to do this.
 257 - This isn't viable for tech companies or any organizations really.
 258 - By some recent studies, as much as 50% of people are introverted.
 259 - How can there be that many introverts? Well, remember that our personality actually exists
 260   somewhere along a spectrum. Also, many introverts just learn to act like extroverts; from
 261   a young age they mimic social behavior around them and may never realize they're introverted.
 262
 263 --
 264 No.
 265
 266 ???
 267 ### Yeah, that's just silly.
 268
 269 ---
 270
 271 class: center, middle
 272
 273 ## Go all in[troverts]!
 274
 275 ???
 276 - So, if we can't ignore them, should we prefer them?
 277
 278 - The trouble with that, is extroverts are valuable. Extroverts have tons of valuable skills.
 279
 280 - Also, there's not a lot of conclusive evidence to suggest that introverts work better with other
 281   introverts than with extroverts. There may be fewer interpersonal conflicts, but there also can be
 282   a lot of communication *not* actually happening.
 283
 284 - Extroverts are really good at facilitating conversation.
 285
 286 --
 287 No.
 288
 289 ---
 290
 291 class: center, middle
 292
 293 ## Learn to get along!
 294
 295 ???
 296 - Let's instead keep both introverts and extroverts and instead learn how to communicate and get
 297   along with each other.
 298
 299 - Then we can keep the advantages of both types!
 300
 301 --
 302 Yes!!
 303
 304 ---
 305
 306 class: my-story
 307
 308 ## Dealing with your own Introversion
 309
 310 ???
 311 I wouldn't say that my story is unique at all.
 312
 313 I learned of and then became interested in understanding introversion when I was at a point in my
 314 life where I was trying to understand myself. When I was growing up, I was often frustrated that
 315 I wasn't more like my extrovert peers. I enjoyed and had fun with my friends -- fortunately for me,
 316 my friends enjoyed many introverted activities -- but I also enjoyed (read: needed) down time, and
 317 I was ashamed of that difference. That was at least one part of my personality that I identified as
 318 an undesirable trait.
 319
 320 Unfortunately, I often made the mistake of caring what my peers thought of me, because all kids do
 321 care about that, and that had some effect on my self esteem. It was worse than that, though: I made
 322 the far-more foolish mistake of believing in and caring what I *thought* my peers thought of me.
 323
 324 My life experience made me uncomfortable being me, which is awful because I wasn't about to be
 325 anyone else. After I realized how silly I was being by putting so much weight behind what others may
 326 have thought about me, my discomfort left and I was able to be happy again.
 327
 328 --
 329 > Stress is caused by inconsistency between a person's belief and their actions. It is also the gap
 330 > between what a person wants to do or feels like he or she needs to do and what that person is
 331 > actually doing or able to do.
 332
 333 ???
 334 I think this experience, to varying degrees, is shared by many people of a variety of personality
 335 types. If you can relate to the experience I shared and are still clinging to the false idea that
 336 your self-worth should be unhealthily tightly coupled with what others think of you (or what you
 337 imagine others think about you), please let go of that notion! This is the most important thing you
 338 could take away from this presentation.
 339
 340 But don't mistake me: I'm not saying that you should have no care at all for what other people think
 341 of you. That would also be a sad and unfortunate way to live. As with most things, you need
 342 a balance. Caring how others regard you will help you accept criticism when it is founded, and the
 343 balanced perspective will help you reject baseless criticism.
 344
 345 For all the introspecting that introverts are supposed to be doing, they can be really bad at
 346 viewing themselves accurately. Poor self-esteem affects introverts and extroverts alike. It's often
 347 caused by bad assumptions going in, so even introverts can't come to more enlightened conclusions by
 348 themselves. Thoughts like "I am not a good person" attach themselves deeply within the mind, and
 349 once they grab hold they're hard to shake.
 350
 351 So, bottom line: if you are not comfortable in your own skin, make a change. Get a new perspective.
 352 If you are introverted, there are simple things that you can do to "manage" your introversion.
 353
 354 --
 355
 356 - Learn and understand how *you* function.
 357
 358 ???
 359 There's no point being an introvert if you're not going to actually introspect, so choose to study
 360 more about how you work. If this presentation is the first time you've learned about introversion,
 361 then this is a good start, but there is a lot more that you can learn about yourself.
 362
 363 --
 364 - Stay on top of your schedule so you don't run out of energy.
 365
 366 ???
 367 - If you know you will be around people, compensate be carving out time in your schedule to rest up.
 368 - Try to keep an energy reserve in case you need it for unexpected events.
 369
 370 --
 371 - Know and respect your limits.
 372
 373 ???
 374 This one may be a bit controversial, but I think it's true.
 375 - People like to think they're unlimited, but people have limits -- yes, they do -- and it's not bad
 376   to acknowledge that if you're honest with yourself.
 377 - Don't feel bad by saying "no" to some social events.
 378
 379 --
 380 - Work outside of your "comfort zone" on your terms.
 381
 382 ???
 383 Now, I don't particularly like the phrase "comfort zone." It's bandied around constantly, but little
 384 time is spent considering whether or not doing so has real benefits that the any of us should care
 385 about. It may be beneficial, but we all seem to have this assumption that we all should be breaking
 386 out of our comfort zones, but should we really all be striving to do that? Yes and no.
 387
 388 - To the extent that we get personal growth out of stepping outside of our "comfort zones," then it
 389   is worthwhile.
 390 - To the extent that being outside of our "comfort zones" makes us hate our lives, then it's not
 391   a good thing.
 392 - So, we should be striving for personal growth, but we can do that growth on our own terms. Usually
 393   when somebody brings up "comfort zones," it's because they're trying to get you to do something,
 394   maybe out of good intentions, but you're smart enough to make a conscious decision for yourself
 395   whether or not stretching yourself at that time will be good for you or not.
 396
 397 ---
 398
 399 class:  center, middle
 400 name:   picard
 401
 402 ![captain picard day](img/captain-picard-day.jpg)
 403
 404 Source: [The Pegasus](http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Pegasus), Star Trek TNG
 405
 406 ???
 407 - This is my favorite introvert.
 408 - There are actually a lot of awesome introverts that have risen to prominence and even become
 409   role-models to many. I'm not going to talk about them, but it's fun to watch people and look for
 410   signs that may indicate where they're at on the introversion/extroversion spectrum.
 411 - My favorite example of an introvert is a fictional character. The writers of Star Trek TNG did
 412   a fantastic job at creating and developing this interesting yet very introverted character. There
 413   are signs that Sir Patrick Stewart himself may lean toward introversion, and that may be why he
 414   was also able to play the part so well.
 415 - Anyway, this is Captain Picard putting on a not-entirely-convincing smile for "Captain Picard Day"
 416   on the Enterprise. His duties on this day include meeting with children on the ship and judging
 417   their class projects.
 418 - By the way, Captain Picard Day is a real thing, I recently found out. Apparently it's celebrated
 419   on June 16th of each year.
 420
 421 - How many of you introverts have found yourself in a similar position? Out of energy but still
 422   putting on a smile at a social event, hoping your smile is at least somewhat convincing?
 423
 424 ---
 425
 426 class: center, middle
 427
 428 ## Put Into Practice
 429
 430 ???
 431 Introverts don't need to be coddled. Certain individuals (introvert or extrovert) may feel they need
 432 that, but introverts don't inherently need that.  In fact that may be very anti-productive. Because
 433 of the energy requirements of introverts, they do need special consideration, that's true. But not
 434 coddling.
 435
 436 These things are meant to create an environment or the right conditions to make it more likely for
 437 introverts to succeed and be happy in the workplace.
 438
 439 Some of these things can simply be added to your processes or routines in order to get the benefit.
 440
 441 However, to the extent that any of these things conflict or interfere with the needs of extroverts
 442 or take away from the conditions that allow extroverts to succeed, some compromise will need to be
 443 reached.
 444
 445 ---
 446
 447 ## Communication
 448
 449 --
 450 - Let people choose how they communicate with you.
 451
 452 ???
 453 Even though an introvert may not be at her best during face-to-face communication, she may do just
 454 fine at other types of communication. Email, intranet chat, things like that are much less
 455 stimulating and give introverts plenty of time to gather their thoughts and formulate proper
 456 responses.
 457
 458 Introverts can be so good at those types of communication, you may not even realize they're
 459 introverted. (Until you meet them face to face. Then it may become painfully obvious. It's like: you
 460 were so articulate and well-spoken in your email, and here you can barely string two sentences
 461 together!)
 462
 463 ---
 464
 465 ## Meetings
 466
 467 --
 468 - Don't put introverts on the spot.
 469
 470 ???
 471 Try not to put introverts "on the spot". You'll likely get either a blank expression in return or
 472 much fumbling of words.
 473
 474 --
 475 - Seed the discussion.
 476
 477 ???
 478 - This may be general good advice for anyone leading a meeting.
 479 - Seed the discussion with enough context and detail to make sure everyone is on the same page.
 480
 481 --
 482 - Send out a list of things attendees should think about and plan before the meeting.
 483
 484 --
 485 - Make sure everyone knows what will be expected of them.
 486
 487 ???
 488 - Goes back to the idea that introverts don't appreciate being put on the spot.
 489
 490 --
 491 - Encourage introverts to write down their ideas.
 492
 493 ???
 494 In a meeting or other social setting, you'll likely find the introverts there may seem to not be
 495 participating. What may be happening is that they may be having deeper thoughts than the extroverts.
 496 This does take time, though, so they're probably lagging behind in the conversation, and by the time
 497 they have something really interesting to say, they may find the conversation topic has moved on, so
 498 they may not ever share their thought.
 499
 500 You can either ask at the end of the meeting if the introverts in the room have anything to add
 501 about anything discussed, or maybe just tell them to email their ideas later, perhaps after they
 502 have had even more processing time.
 503
 504 --
 505 - Leave gaps in your conversation.
 506
 507 ???
 508 Introverts don't like to interrupt people, and sometimes extroverts engaging with each other fail to
 509 leave gaps in the conversation in which introverts feel like they can interject. Again, not all
 510 introverts have this issue, and some that do have it have trained themselves to interact more like
 511 extroverts in social settings.
 512
 513 This may not work very well at first, so you may need to experiment and see what works to help your
 514 introvert(s) engage you more in conversation.
 515
 516 --
 517 - Sometimes it's a good thing when introverts don't talk.
 518
 519 ???
 520 Introverts don't feel the need to say something unless it's important AND isn't already being said,
 521 so if extroverts happen to be covering all the important points in the conversation well enough,
 522 introverts may be content to sit back and let the extrovert say everything. So, if introverts aren't
 523 talking, that may be a sign that everything is cool.
 524
 525 ---
 526
 527 ## Deadlines
 528
 529 --
 530 - Don't rush introverts.
 531
 532 ???
 533 Don't rush introverts. When you ask them a question that they don't immediately know the answer to,
 534 you may get a blank expression that may make you think that there is no thinking going on there, but
 535 they are thinking.  Just be a little patient and you'll get a response eventually. If you're an
 536 introvert put on the spot, try to make some sort of indication that you are thinking and will
 537 respond. "Give me a second to think about that..."
 538
 539 --
 540 - Limit the number of projects placed on introverts.
 541
 542 ???
 543 Introverts can handle complexity, but they do better when they can focus on one or two areas. More
 544 than this, and there is risk that the introvert will become overwhelmed and then be less effective.
 545 So keep the number of projects reduced. Introverts will still do good work on their projects, but
 546 they'll be less likely to feel overburdened.
 547
 548 ---
 549
 550 class:  center, middle
 551 name:   open-office
 552
 553 ![open-office](img/new-office.jpg)
 554
 555 .copyright-disclaimer[
 556 [Office in London](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:New_office.jpg) © 2009 Phil Whitehouse. This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.
 557 ]
 558
 559 ---
 560
 561 ## Atmosphere
 562
 563 --
 564 - No open office design!
 565
 566 ???
 567 - Bad idea, Google!
 568 - It's just a bad fad that needs to go away sooner rather than later.
 569
 570 --
 571 - Reduce stimulation.
 572
 573 --
 574 - If you can, create private cubicles AND a common area for knowledge transfer.
 575
 576 ???
 577 Stimulation (note steril slides).
 578
 579 Some introverts may be prone to not remembering "trivial" details... such as
 580 people's names. If you struggle with this, work on it. Sometimes you see
 581 somebody but you just don't care enough to actually see them. Start to care.
 582
 583 ---
 584
 585 class:  center, middle
 586 name:   dilbert-programming
 587
 588 ![Dilbert comic strip](img/dt_c150216.png)
 589
 590 .copyright-disclaimer[
 591 DILBERT © 2015 Scott Adams. Used By permission of UNIVERSAL UCLICK. All rights reserved.
 592 ]
 593
 594 ???
 595 - In the end, we introverts really aren't that complicated to work with, right?
 596 - Our needs are simple. Let us write code and create designs and manage servers in peace!
 597
 598 ---
 599
 600 class:  center, middle
 601 name:   questions
 602
 603 ## Questions?
 604
 605 ---
 606
 607 class:  center, middle
 608 name:   last
 609
 610 .col.sep[
 611 ## Thank you
 612
 613 Email me: Charles McGarvey
 614 <chazmcgarvey@brokenzipper.com>
 615
 616 .talkqr.center[
 617 Leave me feedback, if you want:
 618
 619 ![Page on Joind.in](img/talkqr.svg)
 620
 621 <https://joind.in/talk/5f266>
 622 ]
 623 ]
 624
 625 .col[
 626 ## Credits
 627
 628 .left[
 629 - Excerpts from [The Introvert Advantage](http://hiddengiftsoftheintrovertedchild.com/about-the-author/the-introvert-advantage/) by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D.
 630 - DILBERT comic strips created by [Scott Adams](http://dilbert.com/), used by permission.
 631 ]
 632 ]
 633
 634 ---
 635
 636 class:  center, middle
 637 name:   blank-stare
 638
 639 ![blank stare](img/blank-stare.jpg)
 640
 641 ---
 642
 643 class:  center, middle
 644 name:   happy-to-stay-home
 645
 646 ![extreme happiness](img/funny-dance.gif)
 647
 648 "It's Saturday night, and I'm staying home!"
 649
 650 </textarea><script src="https://gnab.github.io/remark/downloads/remark-latest.min.js"></script><script>remark.create({countIncrementalSlides: true, highlightLanguage: 'perl', highlightLines: true, ratio: '16:9', /*slideNumberFormat: '',*/ navigation: {scroll: false, touch: false, click: false}})</script></body></html>
 651 <!-- vim: set ts=4 sts=4 sw=4 tw=120 et ft=markdown nowrap: -->